Akihisa in wonderland
by HaruhiUsangie0808
Summary: what would happen if our favorite baka went into wonderland? What type of idiot things could he do? XD My first Baka to test FF so please be nice!


Hazuki comes inside the room and looks at Usangie sitting on her desk. Hazuki slowly comes up and glomps her.

- Hazuki! You scared me!

- I'm sorry Usa One-Chan! I just like playing with you!

- It's ok. So, here to listen to another one of Usangie's greatest stories?

- Yep- Hazuki said nodding- but as always Usangie doesn't own Baka to test, right?

- That's right Hazuki- I smiled- Let me just check in my magic stash of books.

I get up and look around to find the book but I just couldn't find it anywhere. I went looking around and threw books everywhere.

- Is this the one?- Hazuki grabbed a romantic novel not for kids. I took it away in an instant.

- No sweetheart that's part of Usa's private collection-I took the book away from her and kept looking- I Think it was arooouuunnd…AH Eureka! Here it is!

I grabbed a golden book that was on the top shelf.

- What's it about?

- It's about a dumbass that is so curious and gets in so much trouble.

- And what's it called?

-This story is called….

**Akihisa in wonderland**

**(**_**Since we love to butt in the story, my voice will be **__like this__** while the normal characters are gonna be **_likethis)

There once was a boy who was a complete idiot called Akihisa Yoshii. Akihisa was such a moron that instead of studying, he spent his time looking at porn and mangas. And there he was sitting under a tree, reading a book. But instead of a book, he was reading his usual porn magg.

- HEY! DO YOU MIND! I'm reading here!- Akihisa yelled.

_Opps sorry!_

So Akihisa was reading his por…..I mean his math book wearing his usual blue loli dress.

- WTF! Why am I in a dress?

_Because you are Alice! And because I am the Author and I can do what I want so quit whining!_

PROCEEDING! *Akihisa pouts as he continues to read* There he was reading when suddenly a beautiful woman with bubble gum pink hair and prominent breasts came in dressed as a sexy bunny, like the ones Akihisa saw in those porn magazines.

- I AM SOOO LATE! I'M LAAATE!-she yelled.

- Huh? Himeji-san? How did you get here?

_DUDE! Keep up with the script! Stop interrupting you baka!_

- Opps sorry! Um….Ms. Rabbit! Why are you late?- he said acting over dramatically.

- I'm late because I need to get to the queen's castle before she cuts my head!- Ms. Rabbit said as she continued to walk.

- Wait! Can I help you in some way?- Akihisa stood up and followed her. Maybe it was because he wanted to help her or maybe it was because he was horny, but he followed the pink haired girl all the way to a rabbit hole where she stood and looked at her watch.

- I'm afraid you can't- She was still running- The queen has a disguise party and I'm running late as it is. Ughhh! I wish there was a brave, strong, intelligent, and handsome man to help me.

- And what am I? Meatloaf?

_No, she said intelligent, so that defenitely leaves you out of the list. *Akihisa gave a death glare to Usangie*_

- I'M SOOO LATE!- said Himeji….uh I mean, Ms. Rabbit…..You know what lets leave it with Himeji! This author gets tired of changing names! And so Himeji fell in the rabbit whole and Akihisa followed her.

- Ms. Rabbit! Wait up!- Akihisa began to crawl looking to see Himeji's ass but she was too fast and was already ahead- Great, now I wont get any tonight!

Soon it got darker and darker as Akihisa kept crawling until suddenly he felt he was falling. Once he fell he landed on a room where the door was too small.

- Damn. How in the world am I gonna pass that door? Oh I know- Akihisa tried to open the door with his foot and was able to knock it down but not even his foot could go inside

_Baka! You could have used the key that was right beside you!_

Akihisa turned and saw the keys hanging there- Oooohhh…well the important thing is that I opened it! So now how am I gonna get in? I know! SUMMON!

_Uhh…..you don't have your bracelet on, remember? You can't summon your beast like that! *smacks Akihisa's head*_

- OW! What do you suggest smart ass?

_Didn't you even read the freaking script? *Akihisa shakes his head* and this is what I get for working with a baka!__ You know what figure it out on your own!_

- Wait! Come on! Help me out here!- Akihisa whined- oh great! Now smart ass left me alone! What to do? What to do?

Akihisa looked around and saw a table in the middle of the room.

- Was that even there a moment ago?- Akihisa scratched his head- Oh well, who am I to question this. OH LOOK! COOKIES!

Akihisa grabbed the bag of chocolate chip cookies that had a little note on the side. "Chibinator" it said on the note.

- What can a cookie do?- He said as he took the cookie and ate it- Mmmm, Delicious! Chocola…..waaiit….what's going on?

Akihisa looked down and saw that the floor was beginning to get closer and closer. Soon enough he was left to the size of a rodent.

- What the fuck! What happened?- Akihisa saw the giant bag of cookies and looked at the note. "Chibinator" it said on the note, but suddenly he noticed that there was something written in the back. " NOTE: may cause hyperactivity, shrinking and reduction of penis"

- WTF- Akihisa checked under his dress and his privates were intact- Phheww! For a second I thought I lost you buddy!

So Akihisa continued his path through the door in which he suddenly felt al dark. He continued to walk through the room when he felt a bump.

- YOU HOLD IT THERE!- a voice screamed.

- You haven't played with us yet- Another voice said, almost identical to the first one.

Akihisa could not see a thing, but suddenly the room started to light up slowly and he saw two twin girls dressed in German yellow and red loli dresses, very short and revealing by the way. Both girls had short burnet hair, one had bangs with two bobby pins holding them and the other had one bobby pin holding it on just one side. That was enough to make Akihisa's nose explode with blood. Too much sexiness can cause an idiot to explode.

- Just where do you think you are going?- The twin with the bobby pin to the side said fiercely.

- He seems like a stranger- The other one said- introduce yourself stranger.

- I'm Akihisa Yoshii- Akihisa said nervously, trying to clean up his blood.

- I'm Tweedly Yuko- said the fierce one.

- And I'm Tweedly Hideyoshi- said the other one. Tweedly Hideyoshi looked at the stranger and smiled- just so you know, I'm a guy. So don't get your hopes up.

- Wait, that's a guy?- Akihisa dropped his jaw but once he picked it up he put his hand on his chin- But what a sexy guy!

- So Akihisa, you have to play with us- said Tweedly Yuko.

- What can we play?- Akihisa said. But you know Akihisa, once he sees a mop with a dress he can imagine all kinds of things. He started imagining the type of dirty games couples do. And come to think about it, he had always had the curiosity of doing a threesome.

- Don't even think about that buster- Tweedly Yuko popped his dream bubble.

- Lets play leap frog!- Tweedly Hideyoshi said.

- I cant, I have to look for this sexy bunny woman. Did you by any chance saw her?

- Yep!- said Tweedly Hideyoshi.

- But we won't tell you until you play- Tweedly Yuko said.

But suddenly Akihisa saw a sign in the middle of the forest that said "This way to Ms. Bunny".

_*Akihisa is just looking at the twins with blood coming from his nose since they are playing leap frog* I SAID! Akihisa finds a sign! *Akihisa still doesn't pay attention* *Usangie slaps Akihisa* WAKE UP MORON! LISTEN to what I'm saying!_

- OW! You always show up in the worst times- Akihisa rubs his cheek- OK, I'm going, and I'm going! Sheesh! And here I thought I had a chance to look at the tweedly twins' panties for free.

_Dream on sucker! *Akihisa puts as he begins to walk*_

And so Akihisa went threw the forest till he found a big gingerbread house that belonged to Himeji. He went inside and looked around.

- Ms. Bunny! Oh Ms. Bunny! Where are you?- Akihisa yelled as he kept walking inside. Suddenly he stopped at a pink door and he opened it. He walked inside and saw a naked Himeji sleeping in the bed. She was covered by her sheets but eh knew that she was completely naked under that. He slowly walked up to her with Nose filled with blood.

Akihisa smiled as he continued to walk to Himeji. Himeji was fully asleep and more beautiful than ever. He stopped when he was right next to her bed and smiled. He went down and tried to kiss her but suddenly an alarm clock sounded and Himeji awoke from her slumber and in a sudden surprise she accidentally slapped Akihisa leaving him unconscious on the floor.

- IM LATE!- Himeji got up, covering herself with the sheets and changing in the dressing room.

Akihisa was semi-conscious and tried to get up- This is what I get for working for a girl named Usangie!

_Yo dip shit! Himeji is getting away! After her fool!_

Akihisa got up and went after her but she had gotten away and he had lost track of her. He was lost when he bumped into a fork in the road. "Where to go, where to go?" he though as he scratched his forehead. Suddenly he heard a giggle.

- Oh Aki, always so Baka- A voice was heard.

- Who are you?- Akihisa asked.

- I'm someone and no one- the voice said- I'm everything and nothing.

Suddenly Akihisa saw a figure of a girl who had purplish hair up in a pony tail and wearing a purple skirt and blouse along with purple cat ears.

- Whoa! Who are you?

- I'm the Minami Cheshire cat

- Ms. Cat, have you seen a girl dressed in as bunny with huge boobs, not like you cause to be honest you barely…..

Soon Akihisa was in a wrestling knot and Minami Cheshire cat was almost breaking his legs.

- DON'T YOU DARE BRAGG ME ABOUT MY BOOBS! IM A WOMAN TOO!

- Alright! Alright! JUST LET ME GOOO! OWWW!- Akihisa screamed in pain.

Minami let him go and got back in the tree. She used her back legs to scratch her back ears as Akihisa was getting up aching in pain.

- So have you seen the girl or not?- Akihisa said as he was rubbing his back.

- Yes I did, I saw her go to Yuiji the Mad Hatter's house.

- But I don't wanna go to the house of anyone who is mad. I have had my fair share of crazy people for a lifetime- Akihisa rubbed his temples.

- Then go to the March hare, that's where the mad hatter is at. You are bound to find Hime…I mean Miss Bunny there.

- But didn't you say….Ok you know what? FINE! I'm going to see the march Hare. I mean, at least he is not mad.

- You can't help it, we are all crazy here!

- Alright I'm gonna go! Its better that anything is better than being here with a flat chested cat.

And with that Akihisa signed his death sentence. Minami grabbed him and tried to kill him once more but luckily for that idiot he could run faster than a bullet when he is in danger. He went directly to the house of the March Hare when he heard music.

- Happy. Happy un birthday! To me, to you! Happy happy un birthday! To you, to me! – he heard someone sing.

He walked up to the door of a porch and outside he saw a large dinning table filled with seats and tea cups, as if there were a huge party there. He kept walking inside and saw two people singing and drinking tea. One was tall and had reddish hair and was wearing a suit like from the 18 century while the other wore the same but almost looked like a girl with burnet hair and bangs that were being held by bobby pins. As the two kept singing Akihisa was just looking and once they were finished Akihisa clapped, making the two people turn to him.

- You were not invited- said the red head.

- Who are you? And why are you in a party where you are not invited?- asked the burnet boy.

- I'm Akihisa Yoshii and I'm looking for a girl who is wearing a bunny outfit and has big boobs.

- Boobs?- he heard a voice inside a cup. He grabbed the sugar cup and opened it and was soon blinded by a flash that made him throw the cup on the table, letting out a small little rodent with blue short hair and a small camera in a ninja outfit.

- Mitsurini mouse, calm down- said the red head- no one showed any boobs around here. He just hears that word and he just springs his camera into action.

- Who are you all?

- I'm Yuji the mad hatter and this is the march hare or like we like to call him Hideyoshi Hare- he said pointing to the burnet- and this little fellow is Mitsurini mouse. Just be careful, he can be a tad bit perverted.

- So why do they call you The march Hare?- Akihisa asked Hideyoshi.

- Because I was the model for March in Mitsurini Mouse's calendar.

- 2000 yen for a full calendar- Mitsurini said showing a calendar with pictures of Hideyoshi.

- YO GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! That's too pricy!- Akihisa complained.

- Take it or leave it- Mitsurini crossed his arms.

- Alright!- Akihisa paid the mouse and looking at the calendar that made his nose blow with blood- Now I know WHY they call you march hare. The March edition is the best one!

Akihisa showed the picture of March where Hideyoshi was posing in a provocative way. Then he kept the picture in his pocket and looked at the others.

- So have you seen Miss Bunny?- Akihisa asked.

- Yes we did see her- Hideyoshi said sipping his cup of tea.  
- Where did she go to?- Akihisa said opening his eyes.

- She stayed for a cup of coffee, but suddenly ran since she has a meeting with the queen- Yuji said sipping his cup of tea.

- Then I must go look for her- Akihisa said firmly.

- Stop it right there dress boy- Yuji stopped him and sat him in a chair- you can't leave here without celebrating with us our Un Birthday!

- Yes! Today is our Un birthday- Hideyoshi nodded.

- What's an Un-birthday?- Akihisa raised his eyebrow.

- Its when it's not your birthday, it's your Un-birthday- Hideyoshi explained.

- Oh! So I guess….today is my un-birthday too!- Akihisa smiled.

- WE MUST CELEBRATE! Bring the cake Mitsurini!- Yuji ordered the mouse and with a supernatural strength he brought the cake and placed it in front of Akihisa.

- HAPPY, HAPPY UN-BIRTHDAY!-they all began to sing and Akihisa just laughed. Once they finished Mitsurini started singing "twinkle twinkle little star" and Akihisa clapped.

- Guys, this has been so much fun, but I gotta get going. I have me a Miss Bunny to find.

- Don't go!- Hideyoshi said- We haven't finished the party. MORE TEA!

- More tea!- Yuji screamed.

- more tea- Mitsurini said calm and softly as if he were sleepy.

Akihisa sot slowly away from them and walked on to a big castle.

- How in the hell did this castle get here?

He kept walking and in the entrance he saw three boys dressed in black capes, like they were prosecusioners and they were painting the roses red.

- Uh, why are you painting the roses?- Akihisa asked one of them.

- Because if the queen finds out that we planted white roses instead of red, she is gonna chop our heads off- he said.

- Then I can help- Akihisa said when suddenly they heard a trumpet play.

- Oh no she is coming!- another one said.

- Who?- asked Akihisa.

- THE QUEEN!- they all screamed.

Stepping foot was beautiful woman with long purple hair and purple eyes wearing a long 18 century dress with hearts all around it and a glare so cold and evil it would only be described as….

- who painted the roses red- she asked softly.

The three men, including Akihisa were shaking as they bowed down for the queen.

- I said who painted the roses red?- she asked again but more fiercely.

- We did…..your….majesty…- one of them said shaking.

- Hey you butt me out I just got here- Akihisa said.

- Off with their heads- The queen said carelessly- but you, odd boy in a dress, you come with me.

- Me?- Akihisa said.

- You smell of tea- She said- you have been with the mad hatter, is that so?

- Yes…but…

- QUIET- she said- you are only to talk when you are allowed and always answer every question with YES YOUR MAJESTY.

- YES YOUR MAJESTY!- Akihisa said as he kept walking along with the queen.

- How is he? The mad hatter I mean.

- Still a prick- a voice was heard.

- Huh?- The queen turned around angrily- what did you say?

- I didn't say anything- Akihisa shrugged and the queen turned around. Akihisa looked at the queen and on top of her head was sitting Minami Cheshire cat.

- Yeah, Yuji is still a Baka, and I hear he even makes out with many women including me- Minami said sounding like Akihisa.

- WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?- the queen turned around pissed.

- I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING! It was all Minami Cheshire cat!

- What cat?

- the one on top of your head!- Akihisa pointed but the queen could not see her- its right there!

- I see no cat- The queen smirked- So I see what Miss bunny tells me is true. You are an idiot.

- Did she really say that?- Akihisa asked.

- Yes- she said coldly.

- I don't care! I already made out with Yuji!- Minami said sounding like Akihisa.

- OFF WITH HIS HEAD!- the queen yelled.

- WAIT!- a girly voice sounded. Akihisa turned and saw Himeji standing there- could we at least give him a fair trial?

- Sounds fair- The queen nodded- A TRIAL!

And magically a court room appeared and Akihisa was in the front seat.

- Alice Akihisa Yoshii, you are accused of making out with the mad Hater. How do you reply?-said one of the prosecusioner guys.

- IM NOT GUILTY!- Akihisa yelled- I mean, look at me! I'm a guy!

- Not by the dress you aren't – said the queen.

- The first witness will be March hair Hideyoshi- and soon he appeared out of nowhere- Hideyoshi, did you see Alice Akihisa Yoshii kissing Yuji Mad Hater?

- No, I was drinking tea with him when we were together- Hideyoshi responded- But he didn't finish his tea! He left like a pure ingrate. Even when we made him a cake for his Un-birthday!

- My queen today is your un-birthday too- Himeji said happily.

- HAPPY UN-BIRTHDAY!- every one screamed.

- WAIT A SECOND! We are in the middle of a trial here- Akihisa screamed- could we continue and THEN eat cake?

- Our next witness will be- said the prosecusioner- Yuji mad hater!

And Yuji magically appeared and then The queen jumped on him an electro shocked him.

- traitor- she smirked.

- Shoko you should know better than anyone that IM NOT GAY! I would never kiss a guy, especially not a Baka like Akihisa!

- HEY!- Akihisa yelled.

- I believe you Yuji- the queen smiled and hugged Yuji.

- Wait…..so what now?- asked Akihisa.

- How about we have some fun- Himeji smiled sneakily and got close to him- wanna see me without this outfit?

- Boy do I!- Akihisa smiled- That's the main reason why I followed you here!

- Then let's get some more privacy and let me show you something- Himeji grabbed his arm and pulled him to a room where there was a dim light. Akihisa was pushed in a bed while Himeji turned and started dancing slowly as she did a strip tease. Akihisa had a huge bult under his dress and when Himeji started to get closer he felt he was having a heart attack.

- Akihisa-kun! Akihisa-kun!- Himeji wailed.

Slowly Akihisa felt as if he were waking form a dream only to hear the voice of Himeji.

- Akihisa- Kun! Wake up! Class is over- Himeji was standing next to him as he was awakening from the floor with a book on his chest. He was still at his school and everyone was around him.

- What happened?

- You fell asleep baka- Yuiji said.

- You have a deep slumber- said Hideyoshi.

- But wait! What about the….Yuiji you were the mad hatter and Hideyoshi was the march hare….and…..Himeji san was a beautiful bunny and Minami was…..well the same flat…OOOW!

- I WAS A WHAT?- Minami yelled as she applied one of her wreslting moves on him.

And so Akihisa learned a valuable lesson…..

- Wait! What freaking lesson did I learn? That the power of friendship will always be there no matter what? Love conquers all?

_Nope! Don't ever __fall asleep while reading a porn during reading class._

- WHAT?- Minami and Himeji yelled and grabbed Akihisa's porn magazine as the ripped it to shreds.

- NOOOO! My porn!

And so they all lived…..well only Akihisa….Baka ever after!

**The end**

_**A.N.**__ Hi people! WOW! My first Baka to test Fanfic! Awesome! I really enjoyed writing every moment of this stupid fic! And by stupid I mean funny….I hope it is funny or else! Bleehhh! Moving on! I had a lot of inspiration since everyone else was making fanfics that were realted to fairy tales so I made this with one of the greatest stories of all times….Alice in wonderland! So if you like it please let me know! Will be waiting for ya!_

_Xoxo_

_Usangie_


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